Look at what happens to a punk who tries to skateboard in a mall in Toronto, Canada. The security guard showed the punk a little tough love. Even though the security guard happens to be the punk's father, security guards don't play favorites!

These are actual security guards in Wales, which is a country far away. If the punks are driving the slowest get-away car in the world, you can be sure these security guards can keep up! (However, if the punks have less then five people in their car, they may escape.)

Here are a couple security guards protecting Van Halen vocalist David Lee Roth. Many people don't realize that Mr. Roth is eleven feet tall. It is believed Mr. Roth is now actually a security guard working at an ice skating rink in Flagstaff, Arizona. He is alleged to be dumpy and balding and embarrassing himself in front of the young ice skaters.

This security guard stands eight hours a day in front of a nuclear reactor at the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant near San Luis Obispo, CA. This photo was taken one day before his wife left him because, to quote his doctor, "You have not one living sperm in your gonads. Not one."

This is what happens to punks who skateboard at the mall.


Two security guards watch a bank of television surveillance monitors, determined to tune in WrestleMania.

This security guard can give you the combination to this vault, but then he'd have to kill you.

Here is a security guard and dog patrolling the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C. The two are always on the hunt to find the source of that "canine urine smell" the patrons are always complaining about.

In Dulwich, London, students from the local school are watched by a security guard. (It has been rumored that this security guard is actually Santa holding down a job during the off season.) You can be sure that none of these young punks will be receiving skateboards for Christmas.

The Security Guard is proud of his motorcycle and
proclaims it to young and old!